"We shall flow a river forth to thee, and teeming with souls shall it ever be." - The Boondock Saints
"Oh, my anguish, my anguish! I writhe in pain. Oh, the agony of my heart! My heart pounds within me, I cannot keep silent. For I have heard the sound of the trumpet; I have heard the battle cry." Jeremiah 4:19
Your blood swells under your skin. Heat ascends from your core, saturating your cheeks, palms, and neck. You feel every cell in your chest tense tightly, and your heartbeat rises from inaudible to a muted bumping sound punctuating every word you hear.
We have all felt the intolerable sting of injustice. It burns into our eyes, flares in our skulls, hitches in our breath. As in The Boondock Saints, many of us strongly desire some sort of tangible retribution for those who commit atrocities against us, be them subtle or outrageous. We have all also suffered an overt sense of self-righteousness that many a time causes such mistakes we would never have made had we not felt entitled to certain rights. Most of the time, these things that anger us go against basics human instinct, inflicting major harm upon others. What about the times when these injustices exist only for us?
Recently, I have been feeling perturbed by many aspects of society. Gender rules, the dating game, the way "uncool" people are treated and the rules for what establishes someone as socially acceptable... It's all bull. To me, people should be seen as people. Nothing more, nothing less. Does it really define a woman as marriage material if, upon first sight, she happens to be dolled up and dressed to impress? What about the girl in jeans and a t-shirt? Must a guy be six feet tall, muscular and bossy to be husband material? What about the guy in the corner booth of the library, with glasses and skinny arms? I am so angry with all of the expectations we hold for each other in this society! By no means am I excluding myself - growing up in this world, it is difficult not to succumb to such social "graces." Over this past quarter, however, I have realized just how much of myself I have lost to such stereotypically pleasing standards. Some change, of course, is good - if I had not changed at all in college, I would be less of a person than I am now. Too much change, however, is not. Certain aspects of my personality have been squashed in attempts to make me more "pleasing" to what others expect, and I have no one but myself to blame. Why do I do such things? Why do I feel so tightly chained to the expectations of American society that I only allow myself to run to the end of the leash and bark?
The only opinion of me I should be letting affect my person is God's opinion. Every little change I make to please others is completely dependent on which type of person I want to please, whereas with God, the changes He asks of me are the ones that make me a better person. The changes God demands are the ones that serve Him, and by serving Him, I am serving others. If I simply aim to please social eyes, however, I will not be pleasing God at all. As cliche as it may be, my King has called me to be exactly how He made me, flaws and quirks included. He has built me as a house, and I am not about to turn it away because of a leaky faucet. From this day forward, I aim to please first and foremost my Lord, who created me to be as I am and change as He sees fit. I am done pretending.
"We are not trying to please men but God, who tests our hearts." 1 Thessalonians 2:4
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