Of Lord and Literature

A reflection of a mere piece of the great spiritual journey of faith.

"Doubt thou the stars are fire, doubt thou the sun doth move; doubt truth to be a liar, but never doubt I love." - William Shakespeare

"... for love is as strong as death, its jealousy as unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot sweep it away. If one were to give all the wealth of one's house for love, it would be utterly scorned." Song of Songs 8:6-7

My first love was literature. I fell in love with the nuances, sighs and sinews of language, the delicate curvature of poetry that resembles the soft skin of an angel's shoulder. I devoured novels, poems and short stories alike - Shakespeare, Poe, and Dante mentored my inexperienced pen. I grew up in the land of John Steinbeck (which, by the way, is not much like it is in his books). Authorship has always been present in my life; thus, it became the most powerful desire of my heart.

I had never considered the possibility that my love for written words would ever overshadow something greater, something far more monumental. I went through years writing poems, short stories, song lyrics, and pieces of novels that would sit unfinished on my desktop. Eventually, my attention was momentarily diverted to a newer discovery of love - I was brought to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I was overwhelmed by His love and mercy, and the magnanimous forgiveness He bestowed upon my sin. After almost two decades of believing in God, I finally came to understand Him, to know who He really is and how real his love truly is. I often found myself at a loss for words; God's glory would strike me silent in wonder, as it still often does today.

My transition from literature to God was not necessarily fluid, however. As recent as last year, I was still watching movies and plays about literature (Dead Poets Society, Shakespeare in Love) and diving into my list of classic novels and poems without even drawing breath. I attempted to fashion myself after the great masters of language, molding my writing style and the eloquence of my thoughts and speech to resemble the likes of Shakespeare and Poe. I slipped into the "authentically" brooding mindset that accompanies linguistic genius, as if I possessed enough talent to warrant such a diva style. I focused more on my writing than I did on prayer or pursuing a relationship with Jesus. Eventually, it dawned on me: Literature had become my idol.

Once I realized this, I grudgingly admitted the shortcoming to a friend. I did not want to abandon my literary pursuits for anything, for I so loved literature that my heart beat with the taps of pen on paper. I slowly persuaded myself to spend more time in God's word, however, than my own - a decision that steadily brought me to recognize some of the most beautiful poetry ever written.

Shakespeare's iambic pentameter and manipulation of language redressed multitudes of ancient legends in eloquent finery; Poe's tragic elegance threaded innumerable tell-tale hearts together with empathetic human pains, but neither of these masters I so desperately admired could compare to the positively divine majesty of the words I found in the Bible (awful pun intended). Not only are the words themselves beautifully strung, but the powerful truth behind them consumed my heart with a fire never touched by literature. I was not merely swept away by the possibility of the words, as I was with plays and poems, but thoroughly enraptured by the devastating truth and confounding love of the Gospel. These were not just words - these were declarations of holy reality, of true love and sacrifice already given in the world, witnessed by thousands, recorded and proven and known. Shakespeare could never imagine so great a love as that which was given by Jesus in His bodily sacrifice for our spiritual survival. God granted us wretched, spiritually impoverished fools the gift of his holy Son so that we might choose to wander back to Him from the frivolities of our daily lives. God yearns for us to return - us! That so great and good a God would actually desire our love left me incredulous; I still am sometimes confused as to why He would call for my heart. My faith, however, has grown so strong and so deep, that despite my daily mistakes and permanent flaws, I not only love the Lord, I want to love him more than anything else I could ever want. As darling Mr. Darcy says, "I love, I love, I love you" - but this I now breathlessly say to my God. Literature, although I still adore it far above most other temporary joys of this world, has been displaced by the greatest poetry any words could possibly contain: truth.

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16